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Passive Aggressive Behavior
By jason | June 10, 2008
So you’ve probably seen the Stuff White People Like site which helped spawn Stuff Christians Like. Well, here’s one that I think Christians like - passive aggressive behavior. Yeah, I know, not as fun as “How metrosexual is your worship leader” - that was hilarious, btw (link). But anyway…
You know what I’m talking about, don’t you? It’s where instead of someone coming out and telling you the beef they have with you they make some lame remark as a sort of backhanded slap across the face. The best part of it all is how often they try to make it sound like a joke. “Ha, Ha,” they chuckle. When everyone involved (those facing the brunt of the slap and onlookers) know they’re just trying to take out some aggression without being up front about it.
Why do we do this?
- People are just jerks. This is probably true in some cases. Sometimes the person is just rude, immature, and irresponsible relationally.
- People don’t know how to deal with relational conflict. This is surely true most of the time. Someone is so immature that instead of actually dealing with the relational conflict under the surface that they’re feeling they make these mean spirited comments.
- People are pansies. Instead of manning up (or womaning up) and coming out and expressing their grievance all they know to do is make their underhanded, mean spirited comments.
How to remedy this situation? (not exhaustive)
- Develop relational integrity. We need to see how vital it is for us to have relational integrity. Jesus said that the world would know we are his disciples by our love for one another. Passive aggressive tendencies are anything but loving.
- Repent of the sin of passive aggressive tendencies. It’s time to call a spade a spade and admit to God our sin of passive aggressive thoughts, words, and actions. We then must turn from those to love affirm thoughts, words, and actions.
- Learn to deal with relational conflict in healthy ways. Here’s a novel thought, instead of letting your little “funny” comment out why not actually talk to that person about what is really under it. In some cases you may have been offended. Why not explain your hurt and frustration instead of display immature passive aggressive behavior? You are not deepening the relationship with your passive aggressive comments, you are actually straining it. And doing so will not demonstrate love for and discipleship under Jesus.
For whatever reasons Christians feel like passive aggressive thoughts, actions, and comments are okay. Maybe it’s because they aren’t yelling at someone and telling them how much you hate them. But people see through your passive aggressive comments and know that they are meant to hurt and bite and stick it to them.
It’s not funny. So stop acting like it is. It’s hurtful. It’s sub-Christian.
But the cross of Jesus has paid for this sin and every other. So we can repent of this deeply community-frustrating sin and find forgiveness and redemption and reconciliation in him with one another.
So here’s to you passive-aggressive-pretending-you’re-telling-a-joke-when-you’re-really-just-trying-to-be-a-jerk guy…. Wait a second…I think I’m mixing some ideas there.
Topics: Community, The Scriptures |
June 12th, 2008 at 10:01 am
[...] relational integrity. She speaks well of people, she doesn’t gossip, she doesn’t get passive aggressive. And because of that she has an incredible platform for ministry (inside and outside the [...]