Rick Richardson Reimagining Evangelism: Inviting Friends on a Spiritual Journey
The Deliberate Church: Building Your Ministry on the Gospel
Bill M. Sullivan New Perspectives on Breaking the 200 Barrier
« The Early Years | Home | Happy V-D Day »
Kids in The Worship Gathering 2
By admin | February 13, 2007
So there were some great thoughts about incorporating kids into the worship gathering. Everything from having interactive packets for them to beating them unconscious so they sit quietly (oh wait…).
Here’s a question for us.
How does our commitment to reaching people with the gospel affect how we answer this question? That is, is it an obstacle for newcomers to have kids in a worship gathering? Does it hinder our ability to connect with newcomers when kids are crying, making noise, etc?
Just curious, what your thoughts are.
Kids in the Worship Gathering 1
Topics: Church, Church Planting, Leadership, Missional Movements |
February 13th, 2007 at 2:38 pm
In my opinion, it can go either way. some parents may want to keep their kids near them (being a new place, not knowing anyone, etc.). Some parents may love to have an opportunity w/o children and distraction (since they have it at home all the time).
For non-parents, I think it can be the same….some non-parents wouldn’t care, some would. I think it depends on the temperament of the people. Most probably would prefer w/o kids because who likes distractions? If the Spirit of God doesn’t live in you, you’re probably not going to be very patient, loving, etc. etc.
Wouldn’t it be cool to have a community where a non-believer would come and see kids fully integrated into the community? How different would that look from our world?
I remember two incidents:
1. I was at Jake’s home church and a mom that already felt out of place being in a church worship gathering, brought her 1 year old (because she didn’t want to leave him and vice versa). Well, the baby started crying during the service. Those around looked uncomfortable. The mom was embarrassed, but she also didn’t want to leave her child, so she ends up missing some of the gathering to go down to the nursery (where noisy young children stay), and the whole point was missed! Thankfully, a middle-aged lady went down there and convinced the mom to go back upstairs while she rocked the child.
2. In a large church in Columbia (very seeker-oriented), before the service, there was an slide announcement that mothers with young children need to sit outside in the lobby and watch on a tv screen. They wanted to be “seeker-sensitive” (as to not disturb others), but if i were a mother who wanted to stay with my children, i’d turn around and leave.
Here is the problem. If you choose to exclude children, but allow new-comers who don’t want to leave their children to bring in their children, the children are inevitably going to be “distracting” at times, so then parents feel uncomfortable because everyone else is obviously annoyed/uncomfortable.
Of course, this megachurch i(#2) is big, so obviously what they’re doing is working for them. I think it’s the norm and if one would decide to do it this way, no one would freak out. But, when beginning a church plant, it’s a great opportunity to re-think some standing church philosophies, seeing if things could be a little different (which is what you are doing by asking all of us our opinions!
).
Just trying to think outside the box.
I guess we/you could always ask some nonbelievers, see what they think!
February 13th, 2007 at 3:50 pm
I can totally identify with this issue. We are a church plant of 50 people, of which 17 are children 1st grade and under (actually, only 2 are even 1st grade, the rest are age 4 and under!) We truly desire to see the kids integrated in every way possible, but admittedly, it is a huge challenge. We keep the kids in the service during all of worship, and release them to ‘kids church’ during the teaching time, at which point they are having teaching time downstairs. (We have nursery available during the whole service, but many parents try to keep the babies in until the babies have just plain had enough of being held and want to play - i.e. CRAWL, CLIMB AND RUN!!). So the kids are feeling like part of the whole, and yet are able to learn the basic, foundational stuff that they need, on their level.
This is all great in theory. However, having a church this size presents problem. We tried experimenting with different things - like just setting a table up in the back with coloring books, crayons, etc for the kids so that they can be ‘doing’ something, and still probably picking up a few things along the way. The problem is the facility we are using (because it’s graciously been offered to us for free) is an old chapel, with wooden pews, and not much room for anything else besides walking in the aisles. This is about the opposite end of the spectrum of the type of atmosphere we want, but we started out meeting in our home and just got too big for that (and we actually AREN’T one of those disgruntled groups of Christians you referred to in another post! ;o) But we don’t have the funds to get our own building yet, so for now, we are just dealing with the ‘growing pains’. Having a mix of “churched” and “unchurched” has been interesting in regards to this issue - one mom who just got saved has been unchurched for the sole reason that when she went as a child, she and her siblings got loud and they and their mom got reprimanded by the minister, and (obviously) never returned. So we’ve tried to be very careful with this. I guess at the point we are at, we’d rather err to the side of dealing with distractions in favor of keeping the budding relationships, but at the same time, there is something to be said for kids developing an ability to be able to stay through a service without yelling, jumping and talking loudly. Not necessarily sit and be quiet - but there’s got to be some middle ground. ‘Course, we haven’t exactly found it yet. I think the idea of having different ’stations’ set up with stuff like coloring stuff, playdough, puzzles, etc. might really work if you have the space to do it.
I would say though, a LOT depends on the size of your overall group. When we were super small (like 10-15 people) it was fine to have the kids sit in the middle and play, interact, etc. No problem. It’s a little different now…
This probably doesn’t help much…but if we find some great revelation on the matter, I’ll letcha know!!
February 13th, 2007 at 4:06 pm
No, that’s very helpful Jessi. The thing I have told many people recently is how helpful it is to see people a little further down the road who are dealing with issues that we will deal with very soon. So thanks for the thoughts.
February 13th, 2007 at 8:50 pm
wow, you’re getting some great responses on this topic. there are already plenty of churches where kids aren’t allowed in the service. it seems you’re trying to offer an alternative to what exists.
when we started attending a church where kids were near (at the back) or in the service, hearing my kid going off distracted me more than others in the service. probly my “be quiet in church” conditioning.
funny solution: a sound-proofed plexiglass cube for kids who felt like being noisy would be sweet.
February 13th, 2007 at 9:12 pm
There are so many good comments and ideas to interact with, I don’t know which ones to address. I may be wrong, but it is probably a relatively recent and American phenomenon that encourages families to split-up and go to their separate departments when they walk in the door of the church. That doesn’t necessarily make it wrong, but it may be one of those things that would be unthinkable in any other era or culture – something unique to our modern and “advancedâ€? lifestyle. On the other hand, the disciples in 1st century Palestine were apparently annoyed by the children in their midst, too. I realize that children being a bother isn’t the only issue, but it is clearly a big one. If the children were keeping seeking adults from receiving ministry from Jesus, it sure didn’t seem to trouble Him. Far from being a distraction that needs to be removed, Jesus seems to imply that we are better off by keeping children around.
I certainly don’t advocate keeping unruly or distressed kids in the worship service. We need to come up with creative ways to handle those situations, especially if we’re targeting unchurched families; but sometimes the ones who need to grow up are those Christian adults who are so easily distracted or bothered. Obviously this doesn’t address every setting, but I sure appreciated Tiffany’s suggestion about discovering different ways to do church that are more conducive to a family atmosphere.
By the way, I’m speaking as a parent of 4 children who each have learned or are learning the skill of sitting through an hour and a half church service very appropriately and content. I’m also speaking as a minister who has had my preschool-age kids walk up to the platform and crawl up into their daddy’s arms while I was preaching. Far from being a bother, I felt a little more like Jesus in those days and my stock went up in the congregation’s eyes, as well.
There is also a tremendous amount of value in kids seeing on a regular basis their parents and other adults in the community engaged in reverent worship and earnest prayer and honest contrition (assuming it is genuine). If you want to deal with the realities of our culture, then kids most likely aren’t getting this at home and they sure won’t get it at church if they are conveniently sequestered off into a building or hallway with only their peers (who, by the way, they are surrounded with 5 or 6 of the other days in every week).
I noticed some strong opinions in some of the other comments, so I hope nobody minds these few of mine.
February 14th, 2007 at 12:56 am
Jason,
I didn’t recieve the position so KC is futher away for now
February 14th, 2007 at 9:34 am
hang in there Alisa.